


I'll See You When I Wake

by heartshaped_frerard



Series: I'll see you when I wake [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Fantasy, M/M, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-30
Updated: 2015-06-07
Packaged: 2017-12-13 10:38:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/823335
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heartshaped_frerard/pseuds/heartshaped_frerard
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After a suicide attempt gone wrong, Gerard Way finds himself in the paralysis ward of a hospital, with a life that’s no better than before.  His only escape is the strange world he enters through coma-like sleep in which he meets the beautiful and energetic Frank and lives the life that is now impossible for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Gerard opens his eyes to a white ceiling, white walls, and mint green bed sheets. No,no, no. This is not what Gerard wants.

Gerard wants the boy with the scorpion tattoo.

He squeezes his eyes shut and opens them again, but the blank walls continue to stare down at him. A nurse with a flushed face comes in. She leans over him to rearrange his pillows, and she smells of roses and cigarette smoke. She puts pills in Gerard’s mouth and tells him to swallow, and he does. At least he thinks he does.

When she’s gone Gerard lays and listens to the low beep of his heart rate monitor. He wonders what the nurse does when she’s not tending to people like Gerard. He wonders where she goes for her coffee break. Eventually all that wondering makes him tired again, and he sinks back into unconsciousness.

***

Frank walks ahead of him in the barley field. He’s short and the stems of the golden barley come up to his waist, and it parts of its own accord to let Frank through. Gerard walks behind, watching him. Frank’s twirling happily through the crop and with the setting sun in his hair Gerard thinks he looks beautiful.

“Come on Gerard, spin with me!” He throws his arms out again and twirls in the light summer breeze. Frank is happy about just about everything. Gerard doesn’t feel like spinning, he just wants to walk and feel the ground beneath him with every step. It’s something he can’t do anymore.

Frank finally stops and Gerard goes to stand beside him, and even when he’s stood still energy buzzes within Frank. The two of them stare off into the distance where the sun is about to dip below the horizon. The earth is flat here. Gerard doesn't know why. They stand bathed in orange light, and Frank glances sideways at Gerard. He’s got this faraway look in his eyes, and Frank can see the haze of the horizon reflected in them. He takes Gerard’s hand.

“Things will be okay,” Frank says quietly. Gerard doesn't say anything, but he smiles. Just a little.

***

The next time Gerard wakes its dark outside. The pale green curtain around his bed is a slightly open and with the way his head is propped up he can see the endless dark sky outside the window. Each car that passes the hospital casts a red light across the ceiling, lingering a moment and then racing away. He can hear a group of drunken women on their way home. He can hear someone being sick two beds down.

Gerard wishes he could get out of his bed and look out the window properly. He wishes he could open it and fly away. But being paralysed from the neck down means Gerard will never get out of bed, or dance, or draw, or make coffee, or have sex again. He will never walk again, and it almost makes him wish he hadn’t done it. Almost.

His family tell him to hang in there, to hold on, but that’s not what Gerard wants. He wants to let go and fun free with the Frank from his dreams that seem so real. Gerard desperately wants to go back to sleep but his body doesn’t agree, and he can’t even toss and turn. He just watches the car tail lights dash across the ceiling, and wishes for something better.

His mother would be back to visit soon. Or Mikey. Gerard doesn’t like Mikey to see him like this but he doesn’t really have an option, and he would never turn him away.

Especially since he might not make it.

***

Gerard opens his eyes to a field full of pale pink grass. It’s mostly fields here, full of beautiful wild flowers or long grasses in unusual shades, broken up by mountains or hills or the occasional little house. Gerard knows Frank prefers to sleep in the open though. The stars are nearer, and if you walk to the crumbling edge of the land you can look down onto other planets, pale white and ghosting through the sky. It’s different every time Gerard comes, and as always there’s only Frank here.

Frank is sprawled out across the grass on his tummy. He’s got his ankles crossed in the air displaying his scruffy converse, and his tight black t-shirt has ridden up showing glimpses of ink around his middle. Gerard drops to the ground beside him.

“Hey Gerard” he says happily, looking up at him with his perfect eyes and long dark eyelashes.

“Hey Frankie” Gerard says shyly, “What we doing today?”

“Drawing” Frank says casually. He’s got paper scattered in front of him with a big heavy book to lean on, and is frantically colouring with what appears to be crayons. Gerard smiles to himself. A place has been set for Gerard too, but with thick sketching paper and graphite pencils. He can feel the need to draw tingling in the palms of his hands, and he begins straight away.

The two of them are quiet for a while, and Gerard draws Frank. He draws his hands first from different angles, including the ink across his knuckles. He draws Frank’s legs because they still work, and on Gerard’s page Frank leaps and runs and dances. Sometimes he draws himself beside Frank, marvelling at his unbroken body, flexing his fingers and shaking his legs. Gerard wants to draw Frank kissing him, but Frank seems to have lost interest in working on his crayon dog, and stares at Gerard’s pages instead.

“I know you said you were an artist but wow…these are really good” Frank says, picking up one of the sheets. Gerard blushes.

“Thanks…I’ve missed doing this” he admits.

“I bet you were really successful,” Frank smiles. Gerard goes still.

“Yeah…something like that.”

Frank realises he’s touched on something sensitive, and shuffles closer to Gerard. “Gerard, why did you do it?” He slips his hand into Gerard’s graphite stained fingers, and Gerard’s heart beats faster. Gerard pulls away and stands up.

“Come on, let’s do something else,” he says, and Frank doesn’t argue.

For a while they simply walk in silence, until they reach the edge. Frank sits down on the crumbling ground and his legs dangle off into nothingness, and Gerard sits beside him. They stare down at the swirling galaxies below, a mixture of beautiful colours and stars that make up the strange sky.

“You’ve been coming here a lot” Frank says suddenly. Gerard nods. “I like it”

“I like it too, Frank” Gerard whispers. He hesitantly puts his arm around Frank, and relaxes when Frank rests his head on his shoulder. They stay like that until Gerard feels his eyes closing and his body slipping away.

***

Gerard opens his eyes and stares up at the white ceiling. He sighs. _“Am I going insane?”_ He thinks. For Gerard there is no doubt that he would rather be with Frank than alive, but he knows that’s not healthy. He also knows that it could all be in his mind.

A tiny cough alerts him to the presence of Mikey, his younger brother, sitting in the chair beside his bed. He turns his head stiffly (the back of his head was badly cut and bandaged, but he’d been informed that he’d suffered no brain damage. Gerard wasn’t so sure about that) and smiles at him.

“Oh Mikey…”

“Hey Gee. How do you feel?” Mikey asks timidly. He tilts his head to see Gerard through his glasses on the end of his straight nose, and his mousy hair flicks into his eyes.

“Fantastic.” Gerard says flatly.

“Sorry Gerard…stupid question.” They sit in silence for a moment. Gerard looks down and notices that Mikey is holding his hand, but Gerard can’t feel a thing. He needs Frank for that.

“You want some coffee?” Mikey asks, lifting his styrofoam cup from the nightstand. Gerard is suddenly very glad to have Mikey there. He doesn’t try to ask why Gerard did it, not like their Mother does. Mikey lifts the cup to Gerard’s lips and he swallows. He gets everything he needs through the tubes in his wrists, but it’s nice to have coffee.

“I love you Mikey, don’t ever forget that.”

“I love you too Gee, but don’t talk like you’re going away. We’ll get you home soon.” Mikey says, dragging his chair nearer. Mikey knows that might not happen though, that Gerard’s body is shattered and although he can’t feel it, it could give up. Gerard wishes Mikey could meet Frank.

“Who’s Frank?” Mikey asks. Shit. Gerard didn’t think he’d said that out loud.

“No-one” he mutters.

For the next few hours they sit side by side with one of the hospitals battered monopoly boards balanced on Gerard’s useless legs, interrupted only by the nurse coming to check on Gerard and give him his pills. Gerard chooses the dog (because Frank likes dogs) and Mikey moves Gerard’s pieces and money for him. Mikey thinks he might be winning but Gerard drops back out of consciousness and then nothing really matters but watching the small smile on his sleeping brother’s face.

***

Gerard stands at the top of the waterfall beside Frank. A river gushes alongside them, weaving along until it plummets down into the lake below. Frank is eyeing it eagerly.

“Hey Frank, what you doing up here?”

“Hey you,” Frank smiles, but doesn’t offer any answers. The sun is hot on Gerard’s back, and he wanders over to the edge of the river while frank studies the waterfall. He crouches down to see his reflection in its crystal clear surface, and he knows he looks a lot better than he does in the hospital. His black hair falls across his eyes and his skin is pale but not sickly, or ill, or bruised. There are no bandages and no bald patches where his hair had to be shaved. Gerard’s wearing a simple pair of jeans and a black t-shirt like Frank.

“Right then! Let’s do this” Frank says behind him, sounding excited. Gerard turns to see him pull his shirt up over his head and wiggle out of his jeans, revealing a perfectly toned body and many more tattoos. “You too”, Frank says, standing in his boxers. The idiots still got his shoes on.

Gerard slips out of his jeans but leaves his t-shirt on. He knows it’s stupid that someone whose body is damaged beyond repair can still be self-conscious of a little chubbiness, but he can’t help it. The two of them stand on the rocks at the edge of the waterfall and while Gerard knows anything seems to happen here, this is one of Frank’s more irrational plans. Apart from the time they made parachutes.

“I’ll count to three, okay?”

“Okay”

The situation is familiar to Gerard. But it’s a beautiful day in a beautiful place, and he’s got someone perfect beside him. He’s not alone with a one-way ticket (or so he thought) from the top of a building.

“One…”

Gerard grabs Frank’s hand.

“Two…”

Frank is buzzing with excitement, and Gerard can’t help but grin.

“THREE!”

They jump, and it’s nothing like before. Their arms reach for the sky, hands still entwined as they whoop. With the summer air rushing past him and Frank’s beautiful laugh filling his ears, Gerard’s never felt more alive in his whole life.

The water hits them out of no-where and they plunge underneath it, breaking apart as they kick for the surface. This time Gerard doesn’t feel like the world has ended around him. He feels as if he’s hit the ground running. He emerges gasping for air a few meters from Frank.

“FRANK! That was amazing” He splashes through the water and flings his arms around the smaller man’s neck.

“I’VE NEVER FELT SO ALIVE!” Frank throws back his head and whoops again, and then slips his arms around Gerard’s waist. He’s still wearing his t-shirt and it sticks to his bare skin. Gerard shakes his hair and thousands of droplets spray Frank, making him shriek, but he doesn’t pull away. When they’ve finally calmed down they find themselves still entwined in each other, standing in the middle of a lake.

“You’re so pretty Gerard…” Frank whispers to him. Gerard blushes and looks down, tracing his fingers over the intricate pattern of Frank’s chest piece.

“I mean it” Frank says. He cups Gerard’s jaw softly and makes him meet his eyes. He’s got water droplets on his dark eyelashes. And just like that Gerard’s leaning forward and their lips meet, perfectly soft but intense, and it’s like they were always meant to do this. Frank pulls Gerard closer, tangling his fingers deep into his black hair.

And just like that he’s gone.

***

Gerard opens his eyes and curses.

“Fuck. FUCK YOU.” He slams his head back against the headboard and pain shoots through his skull. He wants to kick something, or rip the curtains off the rail around his bed, but he can’t do anything. Why did he have to wake up?

The nurse hurries in then and Gerard notices his mother, Donna, sitting stunned in the chair next to the bed. She sat half curled up, half upright, and her book’s dropped to the floor.

“Mr. Way, please remain calm,” the nurse says. Her hands go to the back of his head where his bandages are gathering fresh blood, but Gerard doesn’t want to be calm. He yanks his head furiously away from her and she takes a step back.

“Sweetie its okay, I think you had a bad dream,” his Mother says, on her feet now with one hand uselessly on his arm.

“ _Okay?_ What part of this is okay Mom? My life is fucking shit, and I can’t even commit _suicide_ right! AND NOW I’M FUCKING PARALYSED. I don’t want to be here. I want to be with Frank.”

The nurse steps out as Gerard breaks down in tears. His Mom says nothing, she simply holds him while he sobs against her shirt. Eventually he’s ready for his nurse to come back and they sit in silence as she redresses his wounds.

“I’m sorry Mom,” he says once they’re alone again. “I’m so sorry for everything.”

“Don’t apologise honey, it’s going to be okay. I love you” she says, but she looks sad. Gerard feels like his throat is closing up.

“I love you too” he croaks. When night comes Donna kisses him goodnight and gathers her things, and Gerard sleeps.

***

When Gerard awakes this time, he’s standing at the edge of another field. In the middle stands an old fashioned carousel with painted horses and golden bars. Frank’s there looking sweaty and Gerard hurries towards him. He’s shirtless and oil covered, and is fiddling with something in the middle of the carousel, an open tool box beside him. He looks amazing.

“Hey there” Gerard grins.

“Gerard!” Frank hops down and wipes his hands on his jeans. “I knew you’d be back soon.” Gerard grabs his waist to pull him in for a quick kiss and Frank giggles.

“I’m sorry I went” he murmurs against Frank’s forehead.

“It’s okay, I know you can’t be here forever,” Frank says quietly.

“Why are _you_ here?”

“I’m dead Gerard. This is where I am now.” Gerard nods. He guesses he knew that. Frank pulls away abruptly but keeps hold of his hand, dragging him over to the carousel. His hand feels solid in his and he desperately wants to believe that Frank’s not just a figment of his imagination.

“Look! I’ve just fixed her up!” Frank gestures proudly and Gerard laughs.

“Where do you find these things?” he asks, squeezing Frank’s hand.

“It’s all here, you just have to look. Come on I’ll give you a ride,” Frank says excitedly. Gerard giggles at how that sounds, and then rushes towards the horses.

He takes his time choosing which horse he wants. On closer inspection the horses aren’t as traditional as Gerard originally thought, and there’s almost a comic book element to their appearance. He walks slowly around, taking in the names painted on their necks. Jet Star…Kobra Kid…Mad Gear… Gerard walks until he spots one that says ‘Party Poison’. He lays a hand on its back and this one feels right. Its mane is painted pillar box red, and the body has a theme of white and blue.

“Taking your time, are we?” Frank grins. He hops on the horse next him called ‘Fun Ghoul’, and Gerard decides that’s exactly what he is.

“Have to make sure she’s right” Gerard grins back.

The carousel starts by itself, but at this point Gerard’s not surprised. Frank’s “fixing up” turns out to be replacing the traditional fairground music with something more hardcore, and making it rotate five times as fast. Gerard’s never been dizzier, and as they whip around he finds himself recalling the times he and Mikey would get high in the basement. Except this is so much better. Frank's whooping and pulling himself up to stand on the horses back and Gerard does the same, catching his eye and grinning. Through his dizziness he can make out the words ‘Art is the weapon’ painted on the golden bar rising from the horses back. Once again the plan is idiotic but it’s just so _Frank_ , and Gerard feels free.

When the ride stops the two of them stagger uncontrollably and end up in a giggling heap on the floor. Frank’s lies on top of Gerard, and when the laughter dies down they stare at each other seriously. Frank reaches over and brushes Gerard’s hair out of his eyes.

“I don’t know how you get here Gerard, but I’m so glad you do,” Frank murmurs.

“I’m glad too,” Gerard whispers, putting his arms around Frank. “Is this place your heaven?” he asks.

“I think so. I think you’re meant for me, but you’re not dead” Frank says thoughtfully. Gerard likes the idea of being meant for someone.

“How come I get in sometimes then?”

“Maybe because in your mind you’ve already given up” Gerard doesn’t say anything, but he thinks about it for a long time. And he knows it’s true. After a while they get up and wander down to another lake. There’s a sandy beach with a row of brightly coloured beach huts, and the water is the colour of forget- me- not’s. The two of them lay together on the sand entwined in each other and stealing kisses until Gerard slowly slips away.


	2. I'll See You When I Wake (Part 2)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Still trapped between his two worlds, unsure of where he belongs, Gerard gets closer to the perfect Frank from his dreams and wishes he could promise him forever.

When he wakes up it’s busy in the hospital. His curtain has been pushed open and Gerard watches as nurses rush back and forth. Some one’s throwing up again, and he goes lift his hands to cover his ears when he remembers he can’t move. And then it hits him again.

This isn’t just a nightmare he has to endure for a while before he can wake up with Frank. This is his life, and his reality, and the reality is that he will never move again. Gerard lays staring at the ceiling, desperately trying to fight back the tears that threaten to spill. In the end he just lets himself and the tears flood his face, unable to be wiped away.

Eventually there are no more tears to shed, and as his breathing becomes calmer so does his heart rate monitor. He looks across at the nightstand and notices a hurried note propped up against a coffee mug. 

'Me and Mom came to visit while you were sleeping. We’ll be back later, love you. Mikey x'

Gerard sighs, and feels a stab of guilt. Guilt that he would rather that Frank’s world was his reality and he would give up his family in a heartbeat. Guilt at what he did. Gerard knows he loves his family but there’s nothing left for him here.

The problem with being stuck in his hospital bed alone is that Gerard has a lot of time to think, and he can’t seem to fall back asleep. Partly he thinks about the dull pain at the back of his skull and wonders why the beep that represents his heart beat regularly slows right down, but mostly he thinks about Frank.

Gerard considers that on one hand Frank is not real. He exists only through his dreams, along with the strange world he lives in, and the vividness is down to recent trauma. Gerard argues with himself that the only reason he is questioning reality at all is that his sudden compulsive need to sleep all the time means he is spending more time asleep than awake. 

On the other hand Gerard knows that he has never had dreams so vivid or consistent or complicated. He wants to believe that Frank is out there somewhere and only Gerard can reach him. He wants to believe Frank when he said that he’s dead, believe that Frank was a whole person with a life and family and friends, and is now sharing his heaven with Gerard.

He thinks about both options for a long time and as ridiculous as the second seems he knows somewhere in the back of his mind, right about where the dull pain is becoming more sharp, that he could never invent someone as beautiful as Frank.

His heart rate drops and slows dangerously down before picking up again. Gerard doesn’t know why it’s doing that, nor does he care. He looks back across at the note Mikey left and sighs, wondering how long ago it was written. 

There’s a sudden squeaking sound and Gerard weakly lifts his head to see a doctor has walked in, pulling the curtain shut behind him on its screechy rail. He’s wearing the typical white coat with Gerard’s file tucked under his arm, and Gerard tries hard not to roll his eyes.

“Good morning, Mr. Way,” the doctor says, taking a seat without looking up. 

“Gerard.” He corrects stubbornly, staring up at the ceiling again.

“Right, yes. I’m Dr. Wells, I’m here to ask you a few questions about how you’re feeling”

Gerard feels like a little kid. He keeps his eyes on a small mark on the ceiling, not wanting to look at the doctor’s horrible coat or sympathetic look.

“I don’t want to answer any questions thank you, I’d like to wake up and be with Frank.” His voice is polite and careful but he knows he’s being rude. He also knows he’s given up on everything here; it’s not worth his time. There’s a rustle of paper before the doctor speaks again.

“Ah yes…Frank, let’s talk about that shall we? Your family say you’ve mentioned this…this Frank, and are concerned.”

Gerard says nothing.

He grits his teeth at the ceiling. Frank is not for other people to discuss. He closes his   
eyes and concentrates hard on not being here.

“Mr.Way?”

He breathes deeply in, holding the breath in his lungs before exhaling slowly. Just fall asleep Gerard, he thinks.

“Mr. W- Gerard I know you can hear me.”

What is it with this guy, he thinks irritably. After a few more minutes of Gerard’s quiet and concentrated breathing he is still unable to fall asleep but the doctor solves his problem by simply getting up and leaving, after muttering a quick “I’ll be back later”. Gerard lies still for a long time before he sleeps again.

*

When he opens his eyes it’s evening. The air around him is warm and filled with the scent of summer, and he smiles at the relief from the harsh white hospital with its disinfectant smell. The long grass comes up to his knees and it takes him a while to spot Frank lying on his back. When he does he makes his way over, the grass and wild flowers swishing against his   
jeans, and drops down beside him.

“Gerard! I missed you.”

Gerard lies down next to him and Frank rolls closer, slipping his arm around Gerard’s waist. 

“I missed you too Frankie,” Gerard murmurs. He leans down and carefully catches Frank’s bottom lip between his, sucking gently before pressing a firm kiss on his lips. He goes to pull away but Frank hangs on, working his lips against Gerard’s to deepen the kiss. Gerard goes willingly, pulling him closer to his body and slipping a hand into his dark hair. He gives it a sharp tug and Frank gasps into his mouth, trying to press himself closer.

Eventually they stop to breathe and Frank grins at him in the dark. It’s infectious, and Gerard can’t help smiling back. They lay in the grass looking up at the sky, their hands lying entwined between them. It’s the most beautiful sky Gerard has ever seen- the longer he looks the more he sees. It’s a wash of black heavily studded with millions of twinkling stars, all swirling into endless galaxies. Each one seems thought out and placed carefully, as if each individual is important in making up the patterns in the sky.Gerard wishes he could belong somewhere as surely as that.

There’s a warm breeze in his hair and the grass lightly brushes against him. It’s perfect,   
but there’s something on his mind. 

“Frank, how did you die?” The silence between them feels heavy, and for a moment Gerard doesn’t think Frank will answer.

“Okay,” Frank says thoughtfully “You tell me why you did it, and I'll tell you how I died.”

Gerard wasn’t expecting that. But he turns and looks at Frank lying beside him in the grass, and knows he can trust him. He guesses it must be time to tell him anyway. 

“Okay…” he says hesitantly, sitting up next to Frank. “Okay, um…”

“Take as long as you need,” Frank smiles, laying a hand on Gerard’s leg. He nods, trying to organise his thoughts.

“Um…well you see I was very unhappy for a long time. I had all these ideas about what I wanted to do with my life…I wanted to be an artist more than anything, but I also wanted to see the world and really make a difference, you know? I wanted to affect people, to help them, and be remembered for it. My worst fear was that I was just going to be stuck being invisible.”

He takes a deep breath and Frank rubs his thigh encouragingly, before continuing.

“So yeah…I tried to make something of myself in the art world first, but I ended up with a job at Cartoon Network. And god Frank, I was so naive. I thought I’d be doing what I loved but I was stuck in a cubicle at this shitty job working for a corporation, getting my ideas rejected. I hated going there every day, I hated it, but I didn’t know what else to do. So that’s when I started to get depressed.”

He stops again, frowning to himself. He hadn’t spoken to anyone about it before, and suddenly the world from his old life felt much too real. 

“What happened then?” Frank whispered. His usually grinning face was serious and his eyes full of worry.

“I managed for a while, it was music that kept me hanging on. I knew however awful my day at work was, however small and insignificant I felt I could come home and turn my music up so loud that I couldn’t think and everything else just slipped away. In those moments I thought I would be okay…It wasn’t just listening to music that I loved though, I wanted to create it. I had this voice that I didn’t know what to do with, like I shouldn’t be keeping it to myself. I wanted to travel the world with a bunch of guys I loved in a shitty van and give everything I had in a performance every night, to people who really cared. But…when I realised that was the way I wanted to make a difference in the world I just felt broken.”

“But why?” Frank asked, edging closer.

“I didn’t think I’d ever make it. I was nobody.” Gerard whispered. His hand had found Frank’s as he had been talking, and he gave it a tight squeeze.

“Gerard…you’re not nobody. You’re amazing” Frank said, reaching up to press another kiss to his lips. A small smile played on Gerard’s lips, before he became serious again.

“I turned to drink. Drugs. I watched 9/11, powerless to help. So one day…I walked up to the roof for what I told my boss was a smoke break halfway through my day at work. There’s no safety railing up there, and I never looked back. Didn’t think I’d survive it” He shook his head sadly, and they sit in silence for a few minutes before Frank pulled him down to lay next to him again. They kiss softly for a while until Gerard speaks again.

“Your turn” he whispers, but Frank wasn’t in the mood for anymore misery. He put both hands on Gerard’s face and looked him straight in the eye, speaking quickly.

“My name is Frank Iero. On March 21st 2001 I walked out of a bar after seeing a crappy punk band and a van pulled up on the curb. I never came back.”

And before Gerard could respond Frank kissed him. Gripping the front of Frank’s shirt to pull him closer, twisting his fingers in the thin fabric, Gerard knows something is different. Frank clings to him, desperately grinding down, and Gerard moans into his open mouth. It’s defiantly different- desperate and urgent, and Gerard never wants to stop.

Frank breaks the kiss to pull his shirt over his head and Gerard reaches out instantly, tracing each tattoo. He runs his fingers across franks collar bones and then down his torso to his belt, and Frank shivers from his light touch. The air is warm around him, and the long grass gently tickles his pale, bare arms. 

Gerard flips them over, suddenly pinning Frank down, and kisses him hard as the air is knocked out of him. He feels Frank kissing back eagerly and his jeans begin to tighten as he pulls the beautiful person in his arms even closer. 

“You’re so perfect Gee...” Frank pants into his open mouth.

Gerard strokes his fingers through Frank’s hair and begins to work on his belt, brushing his warm tattooed skin as he undoes the buckle. He can feel Frank’s heart beating fast as he slips his hand under the denim and over the material of his boxers, their tongues still dancing and their hands still wandering. 

“Well you Frank, are my everything,” he whispers back, and plunges back into the kiss. Frank arches up towards him as he rubs his artists fingers over the bulge straining against his boxers, rubbing the wet material across the head. 

Frank remembers what it was like on Earth. Blowjobs in bathrooms and alleys, messy and uncaring. A stolen half hour in someone else’s bed. A girl he thought he loved, but didn’t understand love at all. He remembers the very last time forced down on the floor of that man’s van, before his whole world ended. With Gerard holding him close and running soft fingers across his cheek, Frank has never felt more loved. 

When Frank finally can’t bear the feel of Gerard’s teasing anymore he whimpers in frustration, and Gerard smirks against his swollen lips. In one movement he pulls Frank’s jeans and boxers down and he gasps as his erection is finally freed and the night air presses against it. Gerard carefully arranges the jeans under Frank so he’s not lying on the long grass, and for a moment he just stares at naked Frank sprawled out before him and thinks how lucky he is. Frank gives him his cutest smile and Gerard blushes, having being caught staring, and then bends to kiss Franks knee.

Franks head falls back as Gerard leaves a slow trail of kisses down the inside of his thigh, a hesitant hand running lightly down the other, and Frank squeaks as every inch of his painfully hard cock is suddenly taken in by the perfect tightness of Gerard’s mouth. After that there is no messing around. Frank thrashes blissfully beneath him as Gerard bobs his head, his tongue rubbing hard under the head and then swirling round the base. He keeps one hand entwined in Franks, pinning it to the ground, and the other reaches up to scrape his nails down Frank’s bare chest. He’s so hard in his jeans that he thinks he might explode, but he pours everything into pleasuring the perfect human being below him. 

Franks gasps slowly turn to loud unashamed moans, gripping Gerard’s hair tightly and   
thrusting to fuck his wet, tight mouth, until he groans-

“Gerard…Baby stop, I’m...”

Gerard pushes his warning hands away and places both of his tightly on Franks hips, holding him down. As Frank cries out and comes in hot spurts down Gerard’s willing throat Gerard doesn’t, for one second, regret the terrible thing he did.

Gerard pulls off and wipes at his mouth, smiling down at his Frankie who looks back adoringly. He’s sweaty with hair that sticks up and he’s glowing with post-orgasm happiness. Gerard gets caught up in his smile for a moment before he remembers the agony in his jeans. He kneels to rip them open and pulls everything down, hand going straight to his cock and moaning at the friction he needed. He begins to move his hand fast before Frank pushes them away and replaces them with the tender touch of his own. He comes faster than he’d thought, having watched Frank writhe and moan beneath him, and they both collapse sweatily onto the ground.

“Jesus Christ Frankie…” Gerard whispers, pulling him close.

Frank snuggles in closer, entwining their fingers again.

“I wish you could be mine forever,” Frank whispers back. Gerard doesn’t answer – he doesn’t know if that will ever happen, but he presses a kiss to Franks damp forehead and hopes with everything he has. 

The stars keep moving above them. The wind tickles softly through the grass and a few fireflies, bright against the velvet sky, dance in the air above the two entwined bodies. Somewhere in his mind Gerard feels himself being tugged back to another life and he reaches over to kiss Frank on the nose. Understanding that he’s slipping away again, Frank softly kisses back.

And high up in the sky, beyond the stars and beyond either of their understanding, a decision is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know what you think :)


	3. I'll See You When I Wake (Part 3)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final part to I'll see you when I wake

_“…up in the sky, beyond the stars and beyond either of their understanding, a decision is made”_

The universe does not operate in a way that makes sense to the human brain. It cannot be quantified, measured or pinned down, but it’s always there working away, like cogs ticking in a clock. In the general scheme of things humans are not an important part of this clock, but decisions must be made for them anyway to keep things running. However sometimes, very occasionally, they show something that catches the universes attention enough to alter these decisions.

Most often it’s love.

 

Gerard counts off the hours in his head. Sunrise, sheet change, spoon fed, pills. Pills, visiting hour, spoon fed, sunset. Today he is restless, his mind over thinking things, and his usual hours of napping in the day time just won’t come. Mikey and his mom arrive after lunch and Gerard puts on a brave face, and for a while they sit together and talk lightly, their small family together again. Almost as if they were just sitting around their shabby kitchen table drinking coffee. Except incredibly not. 

When Mikey excuses himself to go to the bathroom Gerard looks at his mother with so much desperation in his eyes that she immediately draws her chair closer. 

“How are you really feeling today honey?” Gerard senses this is not the time for bullshit answers that seem to keep people happy. 

“I don’t feel real Mom”, he whispers to her “How can this be my life?” She takes his useless hand in her own, the many rings on her fingers glinting under the florescent lighting of the ward. 

“I don’t want this anymore. I’m not me anymore. I can never go back to my normal life, I’ll just be a burden on you forever” His voice croaks as he forces out the words. She nods like she understands, but her eyes quickly well up with tears. 

“You’ll never be a burden on me Gerard”

Gerard turns his head away and stares at the patch of blue sky outside the window, trying to even out his breaths. When Mikey comes back his mother draws away, and the two of them make small talk until they sense that Gerard has had enough. Before they leave Mikey leans over and kisses Gerard on the forehead, a tiny gesture, but it holds so much. 

 

*  
When Gerard opens his eyes the world is bright and clean. He is barefoot, his toes buried in soft, white sand, and out in front of him stretches a calm lilac ocean. Frank is sitting by the shoreline in nothing but his boxers, the water gently lapping at his feet as he makes patterns in the sand with his fingers. Gerard feels a rush of warmth filling him up as he watches him, and his mouth waters at the sight of his bare tattooed skin. An inky pumpkin stares him down as he approaches and slips his arms around Frank’s waist.

“Gerard! Don’t make me jump like that!” Frank shrieks, twisting round to pin Gerard to the ground. Gerard laughs, his black hair brushing against the sand. 

“Sorry baby. This is nice, huh?” He says, gesturing around as much as he can with Frank laying on top of him.

“You’re nice” Frank says, without looking around. Gerard grins and draws him in for a kiss, tasting the sweetness of his tongue. Frank kisses back hard, running his tongue eagerly over Gerard’s bottom lip and then biting down hard. He moans against it.

“You bastard” Gerard murmurs, pulling Frank closer to rub against him. In an instant Frank is up and walking away. Gerard blinks in surprise at the sudden lack of contact, looking around him. 

“Come along! Stuff to do” Frank calls back over his shoulder. Gerard groans. By now he knows this is Frank language for ‘adventure time’. He hauls himself up, pretending he’s not half hard in his jeans, and goes to stand by the water. 

“We going to swim? Build a canoe? Turn into whales?”

“Less sass and less clothes please, Gerard” Frank says, pulling off his underwear in one swift movement. He adverts his eyes in order to keep the problem in his pants under control, and pulls off his own t-shirt and jeans. He stands confident in his nakedness, feeling closer than ever to Frank these days. 

“Off we go then!” Frank charges forward into the water, kicking furiously once he’s in deep enough, and Gerard follows. They swim out further than Gerard would have if he was alone, and at a certain point- Frank seems to know exactly where- they start to tread water. 

Something about the water feels different to that on earth, or even different to the water anywhere else he’s been with Frank. Other than the pale lilac appearance, it seems to make everything effortless- Gerard stays afloat with small movements, never tiring, and where it touches his skin he feels warm and relaxed. Suddenly, Frank dives underneath the water. 

“Dammit Frank” he mutters. He hesitates a moment before following, and gingerly opens his eyes. 

The scene that greets him is beyond anything he could have imagined. Frank swims ahead of him towards the coral reef, a smudge of ink and dark hair against the bright colours. It stretches endlessly ahead of them, thousands of plants and coral displaying thousands of colours. Shoals of fish dart about, weaving in and out, and as he gets closer he sees more- starfish, anemones, things he couldn’t even name. 

However one problem is becoming apparent. His lungs burn as he reaches Frank, and frantically points towards the surface. Frank however, appears to laugh, mouth open and relaxed in the surrounding water.

_“Open your mouth”_ he mouths, no sound escaping but Gerard gets the idea. Hesitantly he stops holding his breath, expecting the water to flood in, but nothing happens. And then, he finds he can breathe. He stares at Frank in astonishment, taking in lungfuls of this impossible air, and Frank laughs again and grabs his hand. 

They swim through the reef together, Frank pulling them one way and then the other to show Gerard a rainbow shell, or an interesting fish, Gerard excitedly pointing at everything he sees. It the most wonderful place he’s ever seen, and warmth spreads through his chest and across his face in a smile, his hand still entwined in Frank’s.

Gerard doesn’t know how long they stay, but when they finally swim up and break the surface he feels like a different person.

“Frank” he gasps, his lungs adjusting to breathing real air again, “that was incredible! I never thought I’d see something like that in my life”

“I knew you’d love it. I was saving it” Frank says, smiling and looking up at him from underneath dark wet eyelashes. 

“How could we breathe though?”

“Honestly I don’t know, the water is different here. I feel like it was created just for seeing the reef.” He sounds wistful, and Gerard pulls him closer, kicking to keep them afloat. Their mouths slot back together and Frank lets out a little hum of pleasure. Gerard puts his wet mouth close to Frank’s ear.

“Race you back to the beach and I’ll give you a thank you present” he whispers, and Frank splashes away instantly, Gerard in his wake. 

They fall onto the beach, Gerard frantically climbing onto Frank’s wet body, pushing himself up close against his tattooed chest. Frank slips his hands into his hair and tugs, kissing him hard and dirty until Gerard’s panting into his mouth. He can feel Frank is already hard and slick against him. Without warning Frank flips them over and grinds against Gerard’s thigh, mouth open and gasping. Gerard reaches between them to stroke himself, precum running down the head, and Frank smirks at him.

“You like touching yourself Gee?”

“Mmm…I’d rather it was you”

Frank pushes his hands away and slowly spreads Gerard’s legs, and then bends down to suck on the inside of his thigh. He runs his tongue all the way down, and then takes Gerard into the hot tightness of his mouth. 

“Oh fuck, fuck…” 

Frank sucks harder, pushing Gerard’s cock right to the back of his throat, pulling off again and then plunging back down. Gerard pants and gasps, knotting his fingers into Frank’s hair.

“Just like that…fu- oh god your _tongue”_

Frank looks up at him suddenly, dark eyes full of lust, and Gerard feels like he’s floating. Then Frank pulls off quickly.

“Frankie!”

“I’ve got better things in mind for you than that baby” Frank smirks.

He gives himself a few quick strokes, mouth open in pleasure, and then leans forward and presses two fingers to Gerard’s lips. 

“Suck” he orders.

Gerard’s eyes go wide, taking his fingers in and sucking enthusiastically. When they’re slick Frank pulls them out and reaches down, teasing around Gerard’s hole. Gerard shivers all over in anticipation. 

“Fra…oh god”

Frank pushes a finger in, feeling Gerard’s body fight him and then slowly relax. He starts to move it and Gerard whimpers as he slips in a second and scissors to stretch him open. Sweat starts to run down Gerard’s forehead as he stares at the beautiful man leaning over him, his head eclipsing the hot sun. 

“Ohh…come on, I need more” he begs.

“I’m going to give you everything” 

Frank pushes a third finger in and starts to fuck him fast, and then slams them as deep as they will go. They hit Gerard in just the right spot and he lets out a yelp of pleasure, the sound making Franks body shudder and his dick throb. 

“You ready for me?”

“Fuck yes...”

He pulls his fingers out and turns away to spit into his hand, running it over the head of his cock and down the shaft. Gerard stares at him in wonder as he braces his hands on either side of Gerard’s head and finally pushes inside. 

Gerard finds that Frank fucks like he does most things- with excitement. He thrusts forcefully, panting and moaning, and Gerard writhes underneath him. He pushes kisses into Gerard’s hair and runs his fingers all over him, exploring him like he’s his latest adventure. 

“Baby you’re amazing” Gerard moans, gripping his back. And then he’s coming in hot spurts between them, covering Frank’s stomach. 

“Ah shit Gee…”

Frank pounds him harder, his arms starting to shake and tension growing in his belly, and then he’s coming deep inside Gerard, his groans better than porn. Gerard watches his face contort in pleasure and then the lust melts out of Frank’s eyes, replaced by that loving look.

The afternoon is long and warm, and the two of them lounge on the beach, clothes still abandoned. When Gerard starts to yawn Frank pulls him close and he falls asleep on his chest. Frank entwines their fingers and gives them a squeeze before Gerard’s faze from existence.

*

Gerard opens his eyes and immediately closes them. Something is wrong. Cracking them open again he sees its dark outside but the intense overhead lights bear down on him and makes his head ache. His throat feels dry and he lets out a dull groan.

“He’s awake” Someone says to his right.

He lifts his head to see the things he can’t feel. The bedclothes pulled back, his hospital gown torn open. The room is unfamiliar and full of people rushing. 

“Gerard? Sleep now” 

It’s a nurse he might recognise. He adjusts a tube buried in Gerard’s arm and everything’s gone again. 

*

Back in his hospital bed, hooked up to more machinery than he understands, Gerard drifts in and out of sleep. His dreams are dark and deep, and none of them take him to Frank. When he finally wakes up without the fogginess of the anaesthetic his doctor is sitting waiting for him. 

“Hello Gerard” Gerard wearily turns his head on the pillow. 

“I know this is confusing for you. You had a bad turn last night, we had to operate.”

Gerard frowns. “Mikey” he says, “Where’s Mikey”

“Your family are on their way” Gerard leans his head back in satisfaction, losing interest. 

“Gerard I’m very sorry but there are complications developing. Your organs are starting to shut down, and we’ve found a large amount of internal bleeding that wasn’t detected before. We’re going to have to take you back in today and-“

The doctor continues talking, and Gerard squeezes his eyes shut. As far as Gerard is concerned, his body is no longer his. He hears the word “liver” and suppresses a laugh, feeling delirious. He can’t feel these body parts, so why should they matter. He lives inside his mind, where blood and bone are irrelevant. 

“Gerard?”

Gerard keeps his face screwed up in a ball, knowing he looks ridiculous but is desperate to shut everything out. 

“Okay. I get it” he says, and slips back out of the curtain. 

By the time Mikey and his Mom walk in Gerard’s head is pounding steadily. Donna lets something thud to the ground as she goes to hug him, and over her shoulder he sees it’s a rucksack and one of their old sleeping bags. He feels his usual stab of guilt as he nudges her with his head (the most he can do). The hospital is a good hour’s drive from the house Gerard grew up in, with a detour to pick Mikey up from college, which he’s missing a lot of. And mostly they just curl up in a chair beside his bed while he drifts away in dreamland.

“Hi Sweetie”, she says, pulling back to let Mikey shuffle forward to give the same one sided hug. 

Gerard huffs in response. He’s having a hard time focusing on either of their faces, and the thudding in his head is getting worse.

“We got here as soon as we could. We’re going to stay while you go into surgery and hopefully they’ll let us sleep here tonight.”

The room starts spinning, and his head falls back against his stack of pillows. He wonders how much pain he would be in if he could feel. 

“Gerard? We’ve got about an hour before you go in”

“Gee?” Mikey says timidly. “Mom get someone”

Blood rushes in his ears and he tries to get a word out, but everything feels slow and heavy. He hears his mom tear back the curtain and call out, and feels Mikey’s hands on his face as he blacks out. 

*

Gerard crouches on his hands and knees in the cornfield, taking deep breaths. Calm down and speak to Frank, he tells himself. Calm down and speak to Frank. He straightens up and looks around. Its evening, the sun about to set, and he gets a small tug of nostalgia looking at the tall crop flooded with orange light. The last bit of light casts smudges of red and orange, but the rest of the sky looks inky, like deep water. Gerard thinks if he reached out to touch it it would be wet. 

He starts to push through the corn towards an enormous tree in the centre of the field. Its huge trunk looks big enough to fit at least six Frank’s around it, arms outstretched, and its low branches make it perfect for climbing. He stops at the bottom and looks up with the fading light in his black hair. 

“Frankie?” he calls, and a dark smudge near the top turns to look at him.

“Gerard! Get up here and see the view before the sun sets” 

Gerard reaches up and pulls himself off the ground and onto the first branch. After the first few branches he feels the ache in his muscles and grins at his arms as he hoists himself further away from the ground. It feels great to move. Above him Frank hops down a bit lower, worryingly at ease with the height, and when Gerard reaches him he pulls him up next to him.

“Gee, missed you” Frank says quietly, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s waist.

“You too” he whispers, nuzzling into Frank’s hair. 

“Look!” Frank says suddenly, pulling back and pointing through a gap in the trees. Gerard looks, and is greeted with the sight of the glowing cornfield, followed by many others Gerard has come to love, in their shades of green and pink and lilac. In the distance the mountains stand silhouetted against the sky. 

“It’s beautiful” he says softly. The sun sinks lower, and dark shadows cast across the landscape as they stand watching, entwined in each other, quiet breaths passing between them.

“Frankie...”

“What’s wrong?” Frank turns away from the setting sun, sensing a change in mood. 

“Frank it’s starting, things are getting bad. I think I’m going to die” Frank stares at him wide eyed, his grip tightening on his waist.

“Gee I’m sorry…are you sure?”

“I’m sure Frank. My bodies just given up, it’s ruined. I’m ruined” He buries his face in Frank’s neck, holding on to him desperately. 

“Shh it’s okay” Frank murmurs, stroking his hair.

“It’s not Frank! What if I don’t end up here? What if I just stop existing?”

“Hey, no. You and me are meant to be together. I love you Gee” Gerard pulls away and looks him in the eyes, and the words hang in the air between them as they realise they’ve never said them.

“I love you too Frank” Frank surges forward and kisses him, his mouth warm and inviting and Gerard moves against him, holding onto the tree trunk for support.

“Easy, I don’t want to fall from here too” 

Frank winces a little at Gerard’s comment, and looks around. The darkness has wrapped its way around them, and the stars twinkle out one by one. Tonight they are bright green.

“Come on,” Frank says, “I’ve got something to show you”

They climb down together, Frank quick and confident, his hand gently placed on Gerard’s arm to steady him, and then leads the way through the dark crop. He clutches Gerard’s hand and giggles as they blunder about, and Gerard feels little happy tugs in his chest as he tries to push away the thoughts that weigh him down.

After a short walk they come to a little house. The houses here are few and far between, their presence inexplicable. The two of them have snooped around a few of them, finding clean but abandoned furniture and cupboards of supplies, but always preferred to lounge around in the open air, their bodies close in the long grass. Tonight however, Frank pulls them up a set of wooden steps onto a neat little porch. The house is small and sweet, with pale blue shutters on the windows and a big door knocker. Gerard smiles. It’s the kind of house he imagined himself growing old in as a kid, cosy and alone with his thoughts and his art. Or with someone like Frank, if he could possibly be so lucky. 

There’s a faint glow spilling from the windows, and Frank opens the door and pushes Gerard inside ahead of him. He steps into a small front room, the main piece of furniture being a huge purple couch with squishy cushions, and a black blanket carefully draped over it. Around the room candles are dotted about, burning brightly and spilling wax down their sides, and the whole room glows with dancing candlelight. Frank walks over to turn on the fairy lights bundled in the fireplace, and Gerard gazes at him.

“This is so cosy, Frankie”

“Yeah well…I thought I should take you somewhere nice, since you’re my boyfriend. You are right?” he asks, suddenly uncertain.

“Of course I am” Gerard smiles, crossing the room to kiss him gently. They take off their shoes, Gerard’s toes wiggling in the thick, soft carpet, and collapse onto the couch together, Frank immediately putting his arms are Gerard. Gerard presses light kisses into the side of Frank’s neck, and he hums in appreciation. 

“You look so pretty in candlelight, Gee”

“Yeah?” Gerard blushes, running his hand through his dark hair. 

“Mm, you’re always pretty though”

“You too Frankie”

Frank pushes him back onto the couch, arranging them until he’s lying on top of Gerard, his head against his chest. Gerard reaches down and softly plays with Frank’s brown hair, and Frank slips a hand inside Gerard’s t-shirt and rests it against his stomach, just feeling his warm skin and knowing that Gerard is with him. For now. 

For a long time they are quiet, listening to each other’s breaths and the sound of the crickets chirping outside in the growing darkness, content with each other. And then for the first time ever, it starts to rain. 

At first its light, just a pattering against the windows, and then it picks up loud and heavy. The couple sit up, breaking their embrace.

“The fuck?”

“Frank? It never rains”

“I know it doesn’t, what-“

Gerard is gone, one second solid and certain beside Frank, the next second just a void as Frank falls onto the cushions. 

“Gee?”

The candles extinguish one by one around him, and Frank runs to the door. The rain drenches him instantly, a cold wind starting to blow. Frank wraps his arms around himself, a tiny bundle in a vast landscape. 

_“GERARD?”_

*

Gerard feels like he’s drowning. He tries to draw a breath but he doesn’t know where his lungs are, his mouth opening instinctively in a forced gasp. His ears are ringing and the people around him move like blurs of colour fading away. At first it feels awful, but in the end it’s quite simple. Because suddenly he’s not drowning anymore.

Instead he’s standing beside his bed looking pitifully at his old body. He’s better than that, more than that. He watches the oxygen mask cover his face, and stares at his pale bare chest as they prepare to zap the life back into him, but he’s gone.Suddenly he notices his mother, frozen in shock by the side of the bed. She’s been pushed out to the way to make room for the doctors and her hand is clamped across her mouth as the tears spill out. 

“Mom…I’m so sorry” he whispers, walking over to her. He feels like a shadow slipping across the hospital floor. He reaches out and touches her face, pale fingers ghosting over hers. He notices Mikey isn’t here and he’s never been so glad. Mikey should be protected from this.

“I love you” he says, sadness filling him up. 

Darkness starts to creep around the edges of his vision, and then it’s everywhere, clouding his eyes and filling his nose. Finally he feels a familiar pair of arms wrap around him, pulling him away.

Yes, he thinks. I’ll sleep now. 

*

 

 

 

Epilogue 

 

Gerard wakes up and stretches happily, the sun streaming through the window onto the double bed. Beside him is an empty space with the covers thrown back, and Gerard lifts his head to look around. His dark hair sticks up wildly. Frank comes bustling through the door with a breakfast tray, a grin plastered across his face, stepping over clothes and last nights tied up condom on the floor. 

“Morning babe” Gerard says

“Morning you. Man I’ve said it before but I’ll say it again, it is _great_ to be eating again”

The tray is loaded with coffee, glasses of orange juice, toast, bagels, cereal, waffles, more than Gerard would ever have picked for the two of them, but Frank’s appetite never seems to fade. It’s a week since they woke up in their new house together, disorientated and confused, but they had clung to each other and sobbed with relief. Frank’s world had come crashing down around him for a second time, but he found Gerard in the dark just like he knew he would. 

They eat and laugh together and then when Frank finally seems satisfied they get dressed for the day. Gerard runs his eyes over Frank in his denim jacket covered in badges, dark hair tucked behind his ears, and slips on his own tight leather jacket. Checking the time they hurry out the house through the front room, past their purple squishy couch with messy black blankets, and onto the porch. Behind them the house is small and sweet, with pale blue shutters and window boxes overflowing with flowers. 

“Teleport or slide?” Gerard asks.

“You should know my answer by now” Frank grins, going around to the side of the house.  
Frank throws himself down on one of the mats at the top of the slide, and reaches over to pass one to Gerard. Gerard ignores it and hops on behind Frank, stretching out his legs and wrapping his arms around his waist. 

“Alright then, let’s do this!”

Frank pushes off and Gerard’s stomach drops, heart pounding in excitement. They go rushing down the slope, Frank wooping with joy, away from their little house placed high on the hill. They plunge past jewelled fields of flowers, twist past snow-capped mountains glittering in the sunlight, see the turquoise river running towards the lake. Soon the only village comes into sight, and Frank drags his heels to slow them down as they’re dumped onto the village green, laughing and stumbling to their feet. 

“Come on, she’ll be waiting” Gerard says, smiling to himself. Because he still can’t get used to it. 

At her house Gerard’s Grandma makes them tea, brings out the best biscuits for the second time that week, pinches Gerard’s cheeks, and fusses over Frankie. She gets them settled on the neat couch, talking a mile a minute, and Gerard has never felt so happy. 

 

*

Two months later

 

“Well are you ready Ray?”

Discovering Ray in the village had come as a shock for Gerard. They hadn’t been close on Earth, but as kids had exchanged awkward words about music and guitars while their Mother’s had chatted. His unexplained disappearance two years before Gerard’s rooftop incident had shaken Donna, and Gerard never thought he’d find him here in paradise, his house unimaginably full of instruments.

“Yeah” Ray smiles, adjusting the strap around his neck. 

“How ‘bout you, Frank?”

Frank clutches his guitar like it’s the most precious thing he’s ever owned, running his fingers over the word ‘pansy’ in beautiful lettering. It had been on the kitchen table the morning they woke up. 

“Oh, I’m there, baby” Frank says, giving Gerard a wink. They were all crammed onto Frank and Gerard’s front porch to practise. 

For a second Gerard feels sad, wishing Mikey was there with him. He had just begun learning the bass before Gerard went into hospital, and he could see he was going to be amazing. He pushes the thought away, knowing that the longer it took for him to see Mikey, the longer Mikey would live. 

“How about you Bob?” Gerard calls through their open front door, where Bob’s drum kit had been crammed just inside the entrance. Bob had been a friend of Frank’s back in Jersey, and they’d gone to gigs and bars together. When Gerard asked how he died, Frank simply replied “He just partied too hard. Too much drink, too many drugs”. Gerard was glad Bob was here with them now.

“Fucking ready” Bob shouts

“Well I think I’m alright” Gerard grins, sauntering towards the porch steps. And then they’re off, Ray’s hands flying across the frets with skill like Gerard’s never seen, Frank flinging himself around so hard that Gerard worries about his potted Begonias, and Bob beating his drums within an inch of their life. He looks out into his imaginary crowd, soon to be a real one when they perform in the village square, and just knows they’re onto something.  
Below them a beautiful landscape stretches out full of their friends and relatives, but also many empty houses standing waiting. It didn’t take long to find the pretty cottage with a thatched roof, the swirly writing on the gate reading ‘Donna’, and the tall house with black window frames marked ‘Mikey’, and a girl’s name Gerard doesn’t recognise. He takes comfort in the fact that one day they’ll be together again. 

As Gerard sings he catches Frank’s eye and smiles, and knows that everything will be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Please please let me know what you think! :) would be lovely to know


End file.
